Resources for Thai Massage, Traditional Thai Medicine & Theravada Buddhism
Just who exactly do you massage in massage?
Hi everyone! I've decided to throw this idea out to you all to see what your reaction is.
I recently received an email from a fellow Thai Massage therapist in Cambridge, UK, who is on the point of self-realising that the client he massages is nothing but a reflection of himself. He's still trying to get his head around this, but it is something I have felt in myself for years. The person you massage is not another person, but a projection of yourself.
In this world of Multiplicity, you, as an individual, have to project the stuff you need sorting out in y0urself onto others, as how else are you going to see it. That is the sole role of other people in your life, to reflect the aspects of you you are unable to see in yourself.
This goes to show that when you massage someone and you find an 'issue' in them, all you are doing is discovering the issue you have inside yourself but have been unable to express.
So, be careful in the way you treat others on the massage mat at your feet, as you are treating yourself.
And be careful in what you say about the other on your massage mat at your feet, for what you say about that person, you are in truth saying about yourself. Or in other words, when you are massaging someone and you find them to be all tense, tight and in a 'right mess', all you are doing is judging yourself to be so.
And also, your desire to heal others is simply your desire to heal yourself!
...and as it is so...
Then who do you really need to heal:
yourself or your client??
I recently received an email from a fellow Thai Massage therapist in Cambridge, UK, who is on the point of self-realising that the client he massages is nothing but a reflection of himself. He's still trying to get his head around this, but it is something I have felt in myself for years. The person you massage is not another person, but a projection of yourself.
In this world of Multiplicity, you, as an individual, have to project the stuff you need sorting out in y0urself onto others, as how else are you going to see it. That is the sole role of other people in your life, to reflect the aspects of you you are unable to see in yourself.
This goes to show that when you massage someone and you find an 'issue' in them, all you are doing is discovering the issue you have inside yourself but have been unable to express.
So, be careful in the way you treat others on the massage mat at your feet, as you are treating yourself.
And be careful in what you say about the other on your massage mat at your feet, for what you say about that person, you are in truth saying about yourself. Or in other words, when you are massaging someone and you find them to be all tense, tight and in a 'right mess', all you are doing is judging yourself to be so.
And also, your desire to heal others is simply your desire to heal yourself!
...and as it is so...
Then who do you really need to heal:
yourself or your client??
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by TaoMountain on -
Even if this isn't true (and I'm not saying it isn't), it seems to me to be a useful "tool" for thinking about being compassionate in your care for others.
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Permalink Reply by Robert Henderson on -
...but do you show compassion towards others or towards yourself?
some people confuse being compassionate towards others with 'putting other people first'. the former may be ok, but the latter is a form of self-harm, no matter how pumped up with notions of 'selflessness' and 'good deed doing' it may appear to be.
what 'putting others first' harms is the spirit within, the logos, which knows it is connected to God. And to put your connection to God 'before another' pains the spirit. within the realm of spirit, spirit shares, it shares its abundance with others, but it never never never puts others before itself. it neither gives nor receives, because in spirit, there is no giving or receiving, only sharing.
in physical terms, the pain of 'putting others first', which is the same as 'being in service', manifests in tension in the forearm. and ironically, how many fellow massage therapists do you know who have incredibly tense forearms??
there also needs to be careful questioning about the reasons for being compassionate in massage.
i know of many Thai Massage therapists and teachers out there who are excellent at what they do, yet, deep down, the REAL reason for their striving to be an excellent therapist/teacher is to prove wrong something they have been told about themselves at an early age: the classic examples being told as a child that no one will ever love them or they will never grow up to be a popular person.
stung by such an incredibly deep hurt, the child then grows up with the very deep need to heal themselves of that hurt.
this is why some massage therapists/teachers put so much energy into their work; so they can be loved back by their clients, or so they can be seen as a popular and great teacher. so they can prove wrong the person who originally told them no one would love them.
to the un-trained eye, they can show signs of compassion towards others, but, in reality, they are fighting their own hurt.
if such hurt people were guided on a journey of self-healing, then the need (and the pressure) to be 'the best' teacher, or therapist would abate and eventually be released.
one of the reasons why so many massage therapists 'burn out' is because they do not receive the 'love' they expect to receive after putting in so much effort into their massage therapy in the first place. they do it, because they need the 'pay-off'. but the need is so deep, they are not consciously aware of this behaviour. and i am telling you, there are quite a few in the Thai Massage community who are operating under these circumstances.
it's incredibly easy to give the appearance of compassion and to dress it up in phoney spirituality and universal love gobbledygook. in general, people love the notion of compassion and being compassionate, so it becomes a quick fix for the needy person to give the impression of being compassionate in order to get the 'love' back. but it's all a falsehood.
if there is unresolved hurt within the therapist/teacher, then without doubt the therapist will come across a block in their giving in their massage work. if someone has hurt you deeply in your life, for example your parent of your opposite sex, you will eventually come across a block in giving of yourself 100% in your massage to clients of the opposite sex. you simply cannot be compassionate to the gender of the person who once hurt you so much. the body will not allow it, no matter how much you force it.
and finally, there are the nasty sides of compassion.
in some instances, people claim to be compassionate, yet, in reality at the root of their 'compassion' is pity: pity for others. and pity for others is a moral superiority. it is saying: oh poor you, you are in worse circumstances than me. this is where compassion is a million miles away from love. love comes from equality. compassion is bred in inequality.
and finally (finally!), there are those who like to be seen as being compassionate, because it gives them the feeling of superiority. they feel good about themselves because they are seen to be compassionate. again, this is a nasty falsehood; the ego feeding off phoney do-gooding.
it always comes back to my initial posting in this thread.
who are you dealing with in your massage work: you or a client.
and in every case, it is yourself.
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Permalink Reply by Leah Pozorski on -
Hi Robert. This is a good topic. I feel that we are healing ourselves and those with whom we work. Many times my stuff comes up during a session as reflected or projected on to the client. I found the most helpful way to address this in any relationship is to be aware of what is coming up and to remain neutral. The client in there for their stuff. One common thread in the many healing modalities I've studied is intention. My understanding of compassion and how it wold be expressed in the healing environment is holding the space in a neutral way for the client to allow balance which would result in a return to health.
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Permalink Reply by Robert Henderson on
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It's lovely what you say about your understanding of compassion. I was listening to Pierce's radio interview recently and the host asked for advice on how to be compassionate towards a client who always talked when they came for a treatment. And what you say here is exactly what I shouted back at the radio presenter: just let them be. As you say: be neutral. It's so important. And as you say, be aware of what comes up in a treatment and if you find that it affects you, try later to understand why. That's your responsibility to yourself and therefore, indirectly, to your client too. By trying to find the way to show compassion to her talkative client, the radio presenter was really trying to find a way to treat her client in a way which suited her (or in other words, which siuted her understanding of 'compassion') and not the client. It'd be cool if one day our paths crossed, as it is always so lovely being able to meet fellow therapists with whom you can share common experiences and beliefs. Thanks for your reply and sharing your thoughts. I hope others read them too.
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Permalink Reply by nemir adjina on -
dear Robert,
One of the concepts i remember from the course at The old medicine hospital, is that massage does not, cannot heal, as it is not "medicine" , massage unblocks the energy by stimulating the SEN. The Prayer to Shivaka recited at the beginning of each treatment asks that we act as a conduit for universal healing energy, all we do is channel. In this way, there is no "me" there. At least that is how I see it sometimes.
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Permalink Reply by Jo Jensen on -
I like the idea of being a conduit. My personal definition of compassion has nothing to do with 'suffering with' another. Rather I feel compassion to be love flowing from above, through me to others. Being a conduit explains it perfectly, although at times I must be a leaky conduit because at times I can feel the energy of love in my body as it passes through.
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Permalink Reply by Robert Henderson on
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This is a kind of double reply to the posts of both Nemir and Jo (above).
Again, it is interesting to read about the concept of Channeling coming from the Old Medicine Hospital. And again it falls in with my own (limited) experience of the masters in Chiang Mai who either massage and teach massage. Most of the masters in Chiang Mai channel. Many of them are initiated shamans. Apart from the prayer to Shivago, they pray to other deities and their own personal spirits. They wear amulets, designed to give spiritual protection and strength. And some of them carry symbols of magic hidden inside their clothing. Their whole culture is steeped in Channeling and the Supernatural.
When they channel, they allow a higher energy enter their energy bodies. In some instances they become possessed. They move into a different reality than that inhabited by you or I. This 'higher' energy also extends the range of the sensitivity in their senses. They can literally and physically see illness and dis-ease in others. That is why they intuitively know where and how to touch in massage.
The western student, completely unable to see any of this, then has to ask the master: where do you touch, where do you touch, where do you touch, where do you put your hand etc etc etc. And the master simply replies: 'there', pointing to some part of the body. The master knows that it is 'there' because he can 'see' (a favourite term of Pichest's) whereas the western student cannot 'see' so has to be given some sort of anatomical reference instead. But just because you get the anatomical reference regarding where to put your hand on someone else's body, does not mean you are putting your hand in the right place, because you still not able to 'see'!
Fun, isn't it??!!
Channeling can be a lovely space to be in.
But one word of caution. I have seen some instances whereby the person who starts to channel then becomes reliant on channeling, or becomes reliant on the spirit, or energy they channel. The problem is that sometimes this energy or spirit disappears. You are suddenly not able to channel 'it'. It no longer comes to you, because it is telling you that you no longer need it. It is telling you that you need to 'move on' or 'move up' in your journey of healing or self-development. But if you fall in love with channeling, or become too attached to the feelings you expereince when channeling, then you become loathe to let go the practice of channeling and this then becomes your (energy) block to further self-development. It (channeling) no longer serves you, instead it blocks you. So tread carefully.
Channeling is part of the journey 'upwards', but it does not take you all the way. A time will come when you will be left to do it yourself. This is the true journey of self-discovery or self-realisation.
Spirit shows you the way home, but it does not carry you home. That is your journey.
And thank you both Nemir and Jo for your postings, which have given me the opportunity to (somewhat selfishly) shoot from the hip like this. Thank you both.
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Permalink Reply by Robert Henderson on
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It's great to hear that the Old Medicine Hospital says this, as it is also what I share with students in my 'Dealing with Stress and Energy Blocks in Thai Massage' class: the therapist does not heal the client, or in other words, massage does not heal. And I also agree with your point that all the massage does is to stimulate the movement of energy within the body of the client.
The real job of healing is done by the client themselves. If a client feels heavy, cold, tired, irritated or unbalanced after a massage, it is their responsibility (if they wish) to find out why. Sometimes a massage can move the energy of an old hurt, or sadness or anger within a client. The massage is telling the client that they still have an old issue inside that they have yet to deal with and let go. The key is: let go. If you have not let it go, you will carry it inside you until you do let it go. To let go an old hurt, you have to forgive all aspects of that old hurt, most importantly you have to forgive the person who caused you the hurt and you have to forgive yourself for allowing that hurt to happen to you. The process of forgiving follows the process of understanding. If someone caused you a deep hurt, say your mother didn't want you when you were first born, you have to understand all the circumstances surrounding the event which caused you hurt. Maybe your mother took sick just after you were born and so the doctors kept you away in case you might become infected. Once you see the bigger picture, your understanding grows and you can begin to forgive your mother for not wanting you, as it wasn't actually her choice.
This is the process of all healing. Going deeply into the energy of pain, or emotion so it can tell you the story of that particular pain. And believe me, this is the way it works. Behind every pain is a story. And once you understand the story of the pain, then the pain goes away, because you have learnt its lesson.
And this is the other main reason why the therapist cannot heal the client, because the therapist does not fully understand the root cause of the pain in the client. And if you do not understand the nature of a particular pain in someone else, then how on earth can you heal them of it!
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